— Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
— Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
— Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
— Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
— If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
— If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
— It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
— Never buy a car you can’t push.
— Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
— Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
— Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
— The second mouse gets the cheese.
— When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
— Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.